My Favorite Sin Read online

  But that’s on me. Not on Cyrus. Regardless of what’s going on in Cyrus’ life, he has always managed to be there for me. He’s had lots of shit happen in his life and he doesn’t stop listening to me, so there’s no excuse for me to do it.

  We’ll go pick up Montgomery and then, I tell myself, I’m going to be better.

  CONTINUE

  Cyrus is there in about ten minutes. He enters the parking lot and slams his foot down on the brake. He doesn’t park, he just waits for me to go to his car. I smile at him as I walk around and open his passenger door.

  “Hey,” he says as I sit down next to him. “Is your foot all better?”

  I shrug. “It’s going to be okay. I think it probably helps that I didn’t have to walk to the police station.”

  He nods. “It’s not far, though.”

  “It’s not,” I say. “But still.”

  He nods and puts the car in reverse. He doesn’t even do a three-point turn, he just reverses out of the parking lot while he looks over his shoulder.

  “Listen,” I say when he pulls into the street. “I owe you an apology.”

  “Because you spent your day with the silver fox?” he asks, a grin on his face. “You so do not owe me an apology. If I were you, I would have done that too.”

  “You would have?” I say. I notice how dry my mouth is. Part of me thought he would never forgive me, but he seems to be so casual about this.

  He nods. “Duh,” he says. “Have you seen the guy?”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “Yes,” I say. “I have, in fact, seen the guy.”

  “That’s my point,” he says. “If he had invited me to stay over in his office all day, I would have jumped at the opportunity. But he didn’t, so I’m just living vicariously through you.”

  I scoff. “I thought you were team Montgomery.”

  “I’m team Alex,” he replies. “Babe, no offense, but you need to get laid.”

  I shake my head. “I’m offended.”

  “Look, all I’m saying is, if you’re going to be celibate for the rest of your life,” he says as he pulls into the police station’s tiny parking lot, all while I marvel at how quickly we got here, “is that you need to make sure you live a little, so you don’t always think about what you’re missing.”

  I turn to look at him. “Cy, I already don’t have sex,” I say.

  “I know, I know,” he replies. “But you could, if you wanted to.”

  “I guess,” I say, shrugging. “You know that I’m… not into the whole one-night stand culture. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you can do whatever you want.”

  “Are you calling me a slut?”

  I ignore him. “I just want to find someone that I truly connect with before I have sex with them,” I say. “Is that wrong?”

  “No,” he replies. “You can do whatever you want.”

  “I mean, I want to have sex,” I say. “Don’t get me wrong. I just haven’t found anyone I really… want to do it with?”

  “What, like ever?” he asks as he puts the car in park and takes the keys out of the ignition. He turns to stare at me. “Wait. Wait a second.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve never had sex before?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ve had sex before,” I say. “It’s just been a while. I don’t know, I guess I thought it would be better if I stopped looking for a relationship and instead dedicated myself to my commitment to God. You know I don’t sleep with people when I’m not committed to them.”

  He nods, but he’s still staring at me. “So how long has it been since you got laid?”

  I look away from him, my cheeks red. I shouldn’t be embarrassed. I know he’s not asking me to make me squirm. “I don’t know,” I say. “Since I broke up with my ex, so maybe two years ago?”

  He nods again, saying nothing. He opens his mouth to keep talking, but before he can, I think I need to tell him how sorry I am. I grab his hand and squeeze it. It’s soft and warm under my touch, a little sweaty. “Listen,” I say. “I owe you an apology.”

  He raises his eyebrows. “No, you don’t.”

  “Yes, Cy, I do,” I reply, squeezing his hand a little. “You’ve always been so good to me and I’ve been selfish lately. My head is not in the right place and I keep ignoring your big news. I want you to tell me, okay?”

  “You want me to tell you,” Cyrus repeats.

  “Yes, Cy, I need you to tell me,” I say.

  He cocks his head and shrugs his shoulders. I think he’s getting a little emotional. “What about Montgomery?” he asks, his voice croaky.

  I roll my eyes. “Don’t worry about Montgomery,” I say. “He’s in the drunk tank. He can stand to wait a little longer.”

  He shakes his head and laughs. “Fine, I guess,” he says. “I’ll tell you.”

  “Good,” I reply, squeezing his hand again. “Then I promise I’ll buy you a celebratory drink, okay?”

  He returns my smile, but his looks a little fake. There’s nothing I can do about that right now. I just have to show him that I care about him and hopefully, that’ll make him feel better.

  “Okay,” he says. “But you have to promise you’re not going to tell anybody.”

  I tilt my head, waiting for him to say something else.

  “It’s just,” he continues and sighs, slumping forward and looking dejected. “It might not pan out. I don’t want to deal with my disappointment and other people’s judgment, too.”

  I nod and put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Fuck, I hate that I made this hard for him. He didn’t deserve it. “That makes sense to me. I promise you I won’t tell anyone. You know you can count on me.”

  “Sorry,” he says. “I’ll tell you. Okay, so a producer reached out to me after seeing my YouTube videos.”

  I smile, but he’s still looking down at his hands and saying nothing.

  “That’s wonderful,” I say. “Did you vet them—”

  “Yes, thoroughly vetted,” he says. “Are you really happy for me?”

  I swallow. I feel like such a shit friend. “Of course I’m happy for you, babe,” I say. “You deserve the best. I’m so glad someone found you.”

  He straightens and smiles at me, his eyes shining in the darkness. I clear my throat and look right into his eyes. “Now, I don’t want to put a damper on your news, but you did vet the producer, right?”

  “Yes,” he says, his smile still wide. “Of course I did. They’re legit. I even called their office. You know, like on the phone.”

  “Wow,” I say.

  “Yes,” he replies, and now he’s talking fast, and waving his hands around. He’s clearly very excited. “They’re totally real. They want me to go to LA, do a recording there. If they like it and it’s well received, they might even sign me.”

  I blink and try to ignore the growing knot in my throat. “That’s huge, Cyrus.”

  “I know,” he says. “It’s a big deal.”

  “I know,” I reply. “You were so worried about your voice.”

  “They love it,” he whispers. “It’s so weird.”

  “Of course they love it,” I say, my hand still on his shoulder. I lunge forward and envelop him in a huge hug, which seems to take him by surprise. He laughs and hugs me back, squeezing me tightly.

  “Thank you,” he says when I move away from him.

  “You don’t have anything to thank me for,” he says. “Your voice is wonderful. You’re wonderful.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Stop it,” he says. “Anyway, the producer isn’t the only one I have to win over. They might hate me after they see me. But if they like me…”

  “That’s your big break,” I say. “And there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you.”

  “Well, there could be lots of reasons why they didn’t like me,” he says. “But—”

  I wave my hand in front of his face. “I can’t think of a single one.”

  “You’re sweet,” he says.

  “I’m not, I
’m just telling you the truth. You’re a hard worker and an amazing artist,” I say. He’s still staring at me, his smile wide and his eyes glimmering.

  “Thanks—”

  “No, there’s no need to thank me,” I say as I wave my hands in front of my face. “Seriously, I’m not surprised someone is poaching you. I mean, how many subscribers do you have at this point?”

  “I don’t know,” he replies and shrugs his shoulders, casting his gaze down onto his lap again, the color in his cheeks getting darker. “Like two hundred thousand?”

  “You can’t say it like it’s no big deal,” I say. “You should own it. It’s a huge deal, babe. I’m proud of you.”

  He smiles at me, his eyes shining again.

  I clasp my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it. “Now, don’t forget me when you’re famous.”

  His expression darkens, just for a second, then he shakes his head and smiles at me again. “No,” he says. “You know that I won’t.”

  I laugh. “Wait,” I say. “Why are we here again?”

  He punches my shoulder playfully and we get ready to walk inside.

  CONTINUE

  I might have just seen Cyrus this morning, but I don’t think he’s going to mind if I call him for this. I should probably be letting him prepare for the LA thing, but I also want to spend as much time with him as I can. Not telling him about this would be a hugely wasted opportunity. It could be one of our last times together. Not because I’m going to seminary, but because he’s going off to be a star and I’ll probably never get to see him again. It’s going to be a shame, but Cyrus deserves to get everything he wants. He’s extremely talented and works very hard and I really want to support him with following his dreams. No matter how much I’m going to miss him when he goes away.

  I know he’s going to be gone before I am, and everything is going to be different then. I can’t think about that. I don’t even want to picture what my life is going to be like without Cyrus.

  I sigh as I take my phone out of my pocket and press down on his photo. He picks up almost immediately. “Missed me, huh?”

  I smile. “I always miss you.”

  “Aw,” he says. “You’re adorable. We saw each other a few hours ago.”

  “I know,” I say. “You know I can’t stay away from you, right?”

  “I know, babe,” he says. “I miss you too. Did you call me just to say good night?”

  I shake my head, a smile on my face. “No,” I say. “You wish.”

  He laughs. “Of course,” he says. “You know that I do.”

  I laugh. “I’ll say good night later, okay? That’s not what I’m calling you about. Cy, I need a favor.”

  He’s quiet as he waits for me to keep talking. I feel like I’m getting on his nerves, because I keep asking him for favors lately. He’s not saying anything, but that doesn’t mean he’s not annoyed with me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was angry or upset.

  “I promise I’ll get you back,” I say. “Are you annoyed with me?”

  He sighs. “No, not really,” he says. “I’m worried about you.”

  I swallow. That wasn’t what I was expecting, and truthfully, I don’t like to hear it. “I’m sorry.”

  He tuts. “It’s okay, baby. It’s not your fault. So what’s the favor?”

  “I think you’ll like this one,” I say. I stop pacing and lean against the wall. I hadn’t realized how much my foot was still hurting until I stopped pacing around. “Ouch.”

  “You need me to carry you to bed?” he asks. “I’ll be right over.”

  “No,” I say with a smile. “Also, good luck. No, no. This isn’t about me. It’s about Montgomery.”

  That gets his attention. “Monty, huh?”

  “Yes,” I say. “He just called me, saying he needs someone to pick him up from the drunk tank. I mean, I could try and get him home all by myself, but that seems like a terrible time.”

  “Oh, no, you were right to call,” he says. “I have to see this. Hang tight, I’ll be at your place in ten.”

  He ends the call. I’m left staring at my phone and smiling, my heart flipping in my chest.

  CONTINUE

  Cyrus is there in about ten minutes. He enters the parking lot and slams his foot down on the brake. He doesn’t park, he just waits for me to go to his car. I smile at him as I walk around and open his passenger door.

  “Hey,” he says as I sit down next to him. “Is your foot all better?”

  I shrug. “It’s going to be okay. I think it probably helps that I didn’t have to walk to the police station.”

  He nods. “It’s not far, though.”

  “It’s not,” I say. “But still.”

  He nods and puts the car in reverse. He doesn’t even do a three-point turn, he just reverses out of the parking lot while he looks over his shoulder.

  “This is going to be so much fun,” he says. “Thank you so much for calling me.”

  I laugh, throwing my head back. “It’s really no problem at all,” I say. “I wasn’t sure whether I should call.”

  “You should have,” he says. “I’m very glad you did. I love the idea of Montgomery in the drunk tank.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “You’re so mean.”

  “You hate the guy,” he says and laughs with me.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I think I might have made a mistake when it came to Montgomery. Maybe he’s not so bad.”

  He puts his hand on my forehead. “Do you have a fever?”

  I laugh, moving my face away from his hand. “No, I don’t have a fever,” I say. “I think I might have been being unkind when it came to him.”

  “Unkind, huh?” he asks, tilting his head.

  “Oh, no, it’s not like that,” I say. “Don’t start getting your Alex + Montgomery shirts printed yet. I just… maybe he’s not such a terrible person.”

  He laughs. “I’m putting an order in for the shirts right now,” he says as he takes out his phone. “Buttons, pins, anything I can get my hands on.”

  “Weren’t you trying to get me to have sex with Lawrence this morning?”

  “I mean, I’m team Alex, to be honest,” he replies. “Babe, no offense, but you need to get laid. Whether it’s with your hot counselor or your hot roommate, I don’t really care. Just fuck someone, for the love of God.”

  I shake my head and scoff, snickering a little. “I’m offended,” I say.

  “Are you?”

  “Yes,” I reply while I roll my eyes. “Extremely offended.”

  Cyrus smiles at me, then his expression darkens a little as he starts looking at the road again. “Look, all I’m saying is, if you’re going to be celibate for the rest of your life,” he says as he pulls into the police station’s tiny parking lot, all while I marvel at how quickly we got here, “is that you need to make sure you live a little, so you don’t always think about what you’re missing.”

  I turn to look at him. “Cy, I already don’t have sex,” I say.

  “I know, I know,” he replies. “But you could, if you wanted to.”

  “I guess,” I say, shrugging. “You know that I’m… not into the whole one-night stand culture. I mean, don’t get me wrong, you can do whatever you want.”

  “Are you calling me a slut?”

  I ignore him. “I just want to find someone that I truly connect with before I have sex with them,” I say. “Is that wrong?”

  “No,” he replies. “You can do whatever you want.”

  “I mean, I want to have sex,” I say. “Don’t get me wrong. I just haven’t found anyone I really… want to do it with?”

  “What, like ever?” he asks as he puts the car in park and takes the keys out of the ignition. He turns to stare at me. “Wait. Wait a second.”

  “What?”

  “You’ve never had sex before?”

  I roll my eyes. “I’ve had sex before,” I say. “It’s just been a while. I don’t know, I guess I thought it would be better if I st
opped looking for a relationship and instead dedicated myself to my commitment to God. You know I don’t sleep with people when I’m not committed to them.”

  He nods, but he’s still staring at me. “So how long has it been since you got laid?”

  I look away from him, my cheeks red. I shouldn’t be embarrassed. I know he’s not asking me to make me squirm. “I don’t know,” I say. “Since I broke up with my ex, so maybe two years ago?”

  “Okay, well, if your roommate and Dr. Hottie aren’t in play, maybe I can introduce you to one of my friends.”

  “So I can find something meaningful before you leave?”

  He nods. “Or before I leave,” he says. “Before our friendship changes forever.”

  I know he’s joking, but I can’t help but shake my head when he says that, the knot in my throat getting tighter. “And you think I’m going to be able to find someone I connect with in the next couple of weeks?”

  “I don’t know,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t think there’s any harm in trying.”

  I laugh. “Maybe hold off on setting me up with someone until I’m done with my current quarter life crisis.”

  He shakes his head, narrowing his eyes. “Well, how long would I have to wait?”

  “A long ass-time,” I reply. “Longer than we’re making Montgomery wait.”

  He bites his lower lip. “Should we stay out here and listen to last week’s This American Life?”

  “What if it’s a rerun?”

  “Devilish,” he says as he leans forward to turn on the radio. “I love it.”

  CONTINUE

  I wouldn’t normally dare be this direct with an officer of the law, but he’s starting to piss me off. I know Montgomery can released on his own recognizance, I’ve watched enough detective shows to know it’s literally his job to process it and he’s just being a lazy shit.

  “Because it’s your job. If you don’t do it, I’ll call my lawyer,” I say. I don’t like lying, but that one rolled off the tongue so easily, maybe I’ll try to start doing it some more.